The Tables are Turned: The Coach Becomes the Student

I’ve been a fundraising consultant now for 17 years, and a frontline fundraiser for years before that. So, much of my career has focused on helping organizations raise the resources they need to achieve their missions. I love guiding nonprofit leaders through the art and science of making the ask—coaching teams through major gift best practices, building donor strategies, and creating fundraising materials.

But recently, the tables turned. I found myself on the other side—not as the coach, but as the student.

In memory of my dad, I became a Pulmonary Fibrosis Foundation (PFF) Ambassador. The role involves advocating for government resources, supporting families dealing with this diagnosis, and raising funds for research, patient support, and education.

While I’ve always cared deeply about my clients’ missions, asking for PFF gifts felt fundamentally different. For the first time in many years, I was raising funds for a cause that touched my life in a deeply personal way.

I felt scared and forgot many of the lessons I thought I had mastered. The confident consultant who could coach anyone through a solicitation was now second-guessing every ask.

Asking is Hard

As development professionals, we talk about “telling the story” and “making the case.” We teach others to lean into vulnerability and let their passion shine through. What I didn’t fully remember was just how hard it can be… especially when the ask is tied to your personal story.

Each ask felt raw, emotionally charged, and risky. What if someone said no? Would that feel like a personal rejection? Did it mean that I hadn’t told my dad’s story well enough? Was I not fully stepping into his legacy?

I was surprised by how much courage it took to reach out, to trust in the generosity of others, and to accept help. I hesitated, worried about burdening others or “asking too much.”

And then I remembered what I teach every day: fundraising is not about convincing or pleading, but about offering an invitation. By asking, I’m inviting folks to be part of something bigger than themselves.

Reminders for Fundraisers—Volunteers and Staff

For anyone who finds themselves struggling to ask—especially when the cause hits close to home—here are the lifelines that carried me through:

• It’s courageous to be vulnerable. Even your fears foster authentic connection. It’s okay to admit this is hard; people respond to genuine emotions. As I shared my family’s experience with pulmonary fibrosis, my relationships were deepened, and people understood me better. My fear became a bridge to connection.

• You are offering a gift, not just asking for one. Inviting others to contribute is a gift in itself—it enables them to act on their own generosity and values. I shouldn’t have been surprised, but it felt strange when friends thanked me for asking. They saw it as a privilege to show up for me in a new way.

• Some people will say “no,” and that’s okay. Rejection stings, but it isn’t a reflection of you or your worth or your story’s value. People give—or don’t give—for all kinds of reasons. Sometimes it’s simply about timing or capacity. Take a deep breath and move forward.

• Return to your WHY. When anxiety creeps in (and it will), come back to why this matters—your story, your organization’s mission, the lives that will be changed.  The cause is worthy, regardless of the outcome of any single conversation. (Remember: the mission is greater than your fear.)

• Celebrate every act of support, no matter the size. A kind word or a modest gift means someone heard your story and cared enough to stand with you. That’s worth celebrating.

Full Circle

This experience has sharpened my coaching toolkit. It’s reconnected me with my empathy and humility. I was reminded just how much heart it takes to ask, and how much bravery lives within every single fundraiser who dares to be vulnerable for the sake of a cause. If you find yourself hesitating, remember: the world needs your ask. Someone is waiting for the opportunity to say “yes.”

And when you extend that invitation, you’re not just raising money. You’re creating connection. You’re building community. You’re making the world a little more hopeful. That’s worth the courage it takes.